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Eating disorder support

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[April 6th @ 12:02am]

Im planning not to post too much on sites anymore but more in my journal, so stop by love and give me your thoughts and what not, tell me about your day and anything thats on your mind.
I really would love to read them and respond =)
Also, if you do end up going to my journal there is a thinspo everyday a couple ill try if not one at least, and what i ate and a little ramble i guess.
So don't be shy, =)
Much <3
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[August 5th @ 2:44pm]


yeah I did it again and got pants that dont fit....these are 0's

I got them for $80 but am willing to sell them for between $65 and $80...they will go to the highest bidder....
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adieu [April 27th @ 10:31am]


I will be out of ana and mia phisically and maybe also mentally thanks to love.
I love you all!!
Thank you for your support!

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long time [March 8th @ 11:46pm]

hi everyone,
i haven't written in this community for months. i was living in tokyo for about two years where i lost a lot of weight thanks in part to this forum. i don't know if blackbirdfalls still reads this, but she was one person who motivated me to lose. since i stopped using this forum, i have moved back to the states and gained weight again. my low was about 103 lbs. and now i am back up to 110lbs. i know these 7 pounds don't seem much to a regular person, but i am sure you girls understand how much 7 lbs. make. and i'm also sure that you girls understand how hard it is to lose 7bls and keep it off. i'm only 5'4", so on my body frame the 7 lbs not only makes a difference, but is truly hard to keep off. i drink water and fast, and then i eat something and i feel like it all comes back.

i'm back in school again, which i thought would help my eating, but it hasn't. i sit and study all day, which is quite lonely, so i find myself nibbling while i study to entertain myself. i tried gum, water, coffee, diet soda, you name it, but it's not working this time around. so i thought i would see if anyone still uses this community and wanted a buddy to help motivate them. this forum used to be amazing, and i hope whoever used to use this is still around. xoxo.
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Hi [April 3rd @ 3:14pm]

It's been awhile, but I'm trying to catch up with all my buddies from this community.:-) 
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Done for today [February 14th @ 1:56pm]

[ mood | disappointed ]

Dinner (if you wanna call it that):
* 1 sugar cookie (150)
* 1 Mr. Goodbar mini (42)
* 2 Reeses minis (72)
* 1 bagel (300)
* 3 trio Hershey's kisses (75)
* 1 banana muffin (110)
* 1 orange (60)

That's 1381 calories for today.

That is way more than plenty. Eating for today is over.

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Been a long time. [December 23rd @ 9:55am]

[ mood | creative ]

   I'm sorry guys that I haven't posted in awhile. My computer has been down, and I haven't been focused on getting it back up. So I only use the computer a few times a week at someone's elses place. I recently had to take a trip and eat(family watching) but I had just a nibble or two. My new job is cool but tough because they always have food around, My boss is always trying to get my to eat,  I can resist most things without her. I'm just going to take a salad next week everyday tto work and see if that curbs the problem. Anyway, my boyfriend is coming so I gotta go. Love. Merry Christmas. 

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[November 25th @ 12:54pm]

wow, i haven't written in any communities in months.

i didn't eat yesterday, not really to make up for thanksgiving, but more because i'm pissed off because my boyfriend's family is fucked up and ruined my thanksgiving. you can read about it in my journal if you want.

i'm SO pissed that i refuse to eat until i'm A) 99 pounds, B) dead or in the hospital, or C) not a bad person and finally good enough for everyone else and myself. i haven't eaten since probably 9:00 at night friday (it's sunday now). i'm not talking to my boyfriend, but i physically can't cry because i don't feel anything right now. when i'm fasting i feel like a fog engulfs me and dims the rest of the world.

if any of you remember me from when i used to post all the time..i kind of stopped working out for a while, but i've been working out pretty much every single day since this summer. i can tell i'm increasing my lean body mass and my body is changing. for example, my spandex pants are actually loose around the waist. as i'm building muscle i'm losing fat, and muscle takes up less space so i'm pretty sure my measurements are decreasing. on a typical day i do 45-50 minutes of cardio, sometimes 60 minutes, lots of crunches, and some legwork and pushups to tone my arms. i also do yoga once or twice a week. i'm starting to get abs, which i never thought would happen. i'm even starting to get that "V" in your lower belly!! it's so exciting. my gym has been closed for FOUR DAYS (the better part of a week) for thanksgiving. if you ask me that's ridiculous because it's such a gluttonous holiday and they should encourage increasing physical activity while everyone is overeating but... tomorrow it reopens and i'm soooo excited to get back on the treadmill. it's going to feel amazing. everything just...makes sense when i'm at the gym.

anyway, so...that's my status in case anybody was wondering where i am!
oh, by the way, this morning i found two songs that are pretty thinspirational-- "lemon" by katy rose and "a better son/daughter" by rilo kiley.

here's your thinspo, it's jenna jameson and i'm usually not into big boobs but i like her stomach:
Read more...Collapse )
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x-posted from my lj. i just wanted to say hello *thanksgiving update* [November 18th @ 9:51am]

hello everyone. i have been away from this journal for quite some time. partly because i started a new job. and i have been really busy. i sleep on the weekends and work like a dog mon.-fri. i have to say it has benefited my eating. at my job i constantly work through my lunch break and i never eat. i might take a piece of a cookie and maybe for breakfast a bite of a candy bar but thats it. and then at night lots of diet "whatever" and maybe a handful of cereal. ive been surviving on this diet since august 3, 2007. right now i probably weigh around 108lbs. but i am desparately trying to get back to 95 where i belong. i remember when i told myself i'd be at 95 and want to stop and i didnt. then i spiralled out of control and went all the way to 89 i believe. and i was scared for my life because i thought i was going to have a heart attack at any moment.
i do not want that again. my job is demanding and i cannot be in that kind of condition. that is why i think 95 is a great place to stop (hopefully i can stop).

thanksgiving is coming so soon. and i'll do the same routine again of eating a spoonful of food and playing with my rice for 30 minutes. its disgusting and pathetic but i would hate waking up knowing ive gained 3 lbs because of some stupid stuffing or a piece of pie. its not worth it. im on the track to becoming something i want so badly, id never let something so petty stop me. my urges and my cravings can go to hell. its not worth the fat.

we moved into a new apt and everything has been going well for me and my boyfriend. i wanted to post in here and remind everyone im still struggling day to day like most of you. and i want to let you know i love you all very much and i thank you for being supportive in this ride with me. everyone be safe and have a good holiday next week. we'll be in touch.
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[October 30th @ 1:06pm]

 hey guys, how are u all doing? ur all seriously great inspiration readin ur posts ...i know u can do it, and i can do it too. i am on a juice fast right now, i hope i never eat solids again!   it is very difficult for me to feel proud when i see gurls skinnier than me , i feel like a failure but its GOOD cuz it encourages me to not eat EVEN more.
less of a break for me, im a fat fukk. tryin to get to 98 lbs, im @ 124 lb now yes i know im a biggie =(
u guys are wonderful, keep starvin on xx
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New [October 29th @ 12:46am]

Name: Ellie
Age: 18
Sex: Female
Height: 5'7.5"
Cwt: 126 lbs.
Hwt: 140 lbs.
Lwt: 104 lbs.
Stgwt: 120 lbs.
Ltgwt: 99 lbs.
Ed type: Anorexia
Diagnosed? Or self Diagnosed? Diagnosed by a doctor.
Pics: I keep screwing up the lj cut...sorry.
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[November 2nd @ 1:37pm]

I'm going to write this quick as i'm about to go purge, which i do everyday and hate myself for it. I'm really not enjoying anything at the mo. I'm not loosing any weight! My mum is also quite when i'm around saying i look tired and not well. It's driving a wedge between us wich i hate so much, i used to be so close to my mum i just want that feeling back!
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[October 20th @ 10:19am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

good day guys..

for breakfast, i've eaten a cookie and sugarfree coffee.. hmm.. about 120cals all in all.. god...

but i exercise.. i burned 200cals.. i think its great for now.. i will exercise later... spinning... love it.. it makes my body weak but my mind stronger.. it makes sense for me..

think thin!!! we dont deserve to be fat.. we are not worth it.. so lets work out...

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[October 16th @ 9:03pm]

 im going to do better 2morro waaaay better
i look disgusting the scale is hiiigh
hunger will be my partner
i cannot give in2 this nemore
i'll try nethin...
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[October 19th @ 10:10am]

[ mood | cold ]

Ok, so my fast didnt go well, it was my dads b.day on tues and so we had to go out for a meal :( Now i've got crappy cold.

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[October 15th @ 1:53pm]

Does anyone in the UK know where to get some Fristi yogurt drink from? I used to drink it at uni and it kept me going for ages without craving food!
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calories and exercise [October 14th @ 12:01am]

[ mood | bored ]

Hey everyone, been a long time since I've posted on here. Just curious as to on average how many calories do you eat each day? And how much exercise do you do? I try to average 600-800 calories a day and exercise at least 2 hrs a day. My current weight is 98.2lbs. Stay Strong! xoxo

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[October 13th @ 1:46am]

I just got back from the gym. I felt so woosey. I still do. I am trying to keep good. I have also been attempting to consume most of my calories during the day so that I use them up during the day.
yesterday with my boyfriend he kept saying "that's all your going to eat, are you going to finish that." I didn't know what to say so i just said my stomach hurt. I dunno he makes me feel guilty about not eating but he encourages me to go to the gym and tells me "you were skinnier when I first met you."

ughh.... I never want to eat.... in the morning...but if i dont...than i might binge

I dont know why i am so sad. I threw up today. I told myself it was because i felt sick... I dunno

I drank, and now i feel full... I have trouble figuring out how to eat on days i drink. I just feel disgusting

Jessie said "You know you are beautiful, right?" It felt so rehearsed, like something he had to say but didn't really care to. I dont care if he does. I know people think i am beautiful...but who are they. People in America are so much fatter than what is healthy, and people in general, are so much fatter than if they lived off the land. Jessie can eat and eat and eat and he stays tiny and even gain muscle without ever going to the gym. Its not easy for some. It so hard sometimes. All I want to do is look they the girls on TV look, how can i compete with these idealistic goals. I can never look like them to him anyway. He says he doesn't care, but everyone wants the ideal...even for the sake of itsself and not for the practicality.

My roommate said I was skinny, and I just laughed. But i know... even if i was... it wouldn't fix a damn thin. Even if i was skinny.... he still wouldn't love me, my mom would still be an evil selfish !#@$#%, my father will still suffer from his disabilities, my friends will still be dead, my sister will still have this distain for me, my brother will still be stuck in a dead end job, I still wont have an internship, I still wont be able to contribute to the world what I so desperately seek to.... Being skinny doesn't change anything. It just makes me think I have some sense of control in this crazy uncontrollable world. I am helpless... and like a baby crying for attention, I refuse to eat... The tastes are bitter and sour in my mouth when all I crave truely...is freedom

sorry for any typos ladies I am a little intoxicated
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[October 14th @ 9:10pm]

Thats it i;ve had enough of being the same weight, i'm going on a liquid fast and this time i'm going to stick to it! I'l update later in the week.
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[October 10th @ 8:35pm]


finally my day 1 is alright
beginning with nuthen serious but choco n licorice, a tiny piece of sushi
banana , teas black coffee n some boiled beef

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