i didn't eat yesterday, not really to make up for thanksgiving, but more because i'm pissed off because my boyfriend's family is fucked up and ruined my thanksgiving. you can read about it in my journal if you want.
i'm SO pissed that i refuse to eat until i'm A) 99 pounds, B) dead or in the hospital, or C) not a bad person and finally good enough for everyone else and myself. i haven't eaten since probably 9:00 at night friday (it's sunday now). i'm not talking to my boyfriend, but i physically can't cry because i don't feel anything right now. when i'm fasting i feel like a fog engulfs me and dims the rest of the world.
if any of you remember me from when i used to post all the time..i kind of stopped working out for a while, but i've been working out pretty much every single day since this summer. i can tell i'm increasing my lean body mass and my body is changing. for example, my spandex pants are actually loose around the waist. as i'm building muscle i'm losing fat, and muscle takes up less space so i'm pretty sure my measurements are decreasing. on a typical day i do 45-50 minutes of cardio, sometimes 60 minutes, lots of crunches, and some legwork and pushups to tone my arms. i also do yoga once or twice a week. i'm starting to get abs, which i never thought would happen. i'm even starting to get that "V" in your lower belly!! it's so exciting. my gym has been closed for FOUR DAYS (the better part of a week) for thanksgiving. if you ask me that's ridiculous because it's such a gluttonous holiday and they should encourage increasing physical activity while everyone is overeating but... tomorrow it reopens and i'm soooo excited to get back on the treadmill. it's going to feel amazing. everything just...makes sense when i'm at the gym.
anyway, so...that's my status in case anybody was wondering where i am!
oh, by the way, this morning i found two songs that are pretty thinspirational-- "lemon" by katy rose and "a better son/daughter" by rilo kiley.
here's your thinspo, it's jenna jameson and i'm usually not into big boobs but i like her stomach: