blackbirdfalls (blackbirdfalls) wrote in 0_ana_only_0,

x-posted from my lj. i just wanted to say hello *thanksgiving update*

hello everyone. i have been away from this journal for quite some time. partly because i started a new job. and i have been really busy. i sleep on the weekends and work like a dog mon.-fri. i have to say it has benefited my eating. at my job i constantly work through my lunch break and i never eat. i might take a piece of a cookie and maybe for breakfast a bite of a candy bar but thats it. and then at night lots of diet "whatever" and maybe a handful of cereal. ive been surviving on this diet since august 3, 2007. right now i probably weigh around 108lbs. but i am desparately trying to get back to 95 where i belong. i remember when i told myself i'd be at 95 and want to stop and i didnt. then i spiralled out of control and went all the way to 89 i believe. and i was scared for my life because i thought i was going to have a heart attack at any moment.
i do not want that again. my job is demanding and i cannot be in that kind of condition. that is why i think 95 is a great place to stop (hopefully i can stop).

thanksgiving is coming so soon. and i'll do the same routine again of eating a spoonful of food and playing with my rice for 30 minutes. its disgusting and pathetic but i would hate waking up knowing ive gained 3 lbs because of some stupid stuffing or a piece of pie. its not worth it. im on the track to becoming something i want so badly, id never let something so petty stop me. my urges and my cravings can go to hell. its not worth the fat.

we moved into a new apt and everything has been going well for me and my boyfriend. i wanted to post in here and remind everyone im still struggling day to day like most of you. and i want to let you know i love you all very much and i thank you for being supportive in this ride with me. everyone be safe and have a good holiday next week. we'll be in touch.
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